4.17.2012

all under control

**i'm on maternity blog leave! i've scheduled a couple posts to keep my little blog home alive in my absence. this is one of them. enjoy!**
i haven't blogged a whole lot about pregnancy on here.
i mean, i know i've mentioned it, because it occupies a lot of space in my brain, and this is a fashion blog and obviously pregnancy makes getting dressed a whole new ball game.
i've tried really hard to keep this from becoming a "mommy blog," though, because sharing that part of my life just isn't my purpose with this blog.
however, i'm going to get a bit "mommy blogger" on you today, because there have been so many emotions swirling around in me about being done with pregnancy and starting the brand-new adventure of being a momma (i'm told an emotion overload is pretty normal at this point ;). 
i hope you don't mind my rambling today, and i hope you'll share similar emotions or experiences you've had so i don't feel like such a nut!
in short...
i've dreaded being done with pregnancy.
i don't mean to sound like some hippie-granola mom (although, truth be told, my tendencies lie on that side), but at the same time, there's an even bigger part of me that doesn't want to be like 90% of the pregnant women i know who are all, "get this thing out of me!" at like 30 weeks. how sad.

have i been uncomfortable in the last few weeks? absolutely. have i been tired of answering the same questions over and over again? totally. am i sick of hearing labor/delivery/nursing/parenting horror stories? more than you know.
but i love holding my baby close. i love being the only person in the whole entire world who provides him food and a home and life. i've had an easy pregnancy and i have really, honestly, truly loved it from start to finish. i feel blessed beyond reason to have a healthy baby growing and a supportive (/hot) husband by my side.
my poor mother got an emotional train wreck phone call a few weeks ago as i stressed about not being pregnant any more. "i don't want to share him! i don't want other people to take care of him, i want it to just be me! i want to still be the only one he needs!"
what a crazy woman i have become.
then there's the worry. i've never delivered or nursed a baby before. i don't know how to swaddle to burp or bathe a newborn. what if he gets sick? what if he doesn't like me?!
needless to say, pregnancy and motherhood has come with a whole, brand-new set of emotions that i've felt completely unequipped to deal with. 

how grateful i've been for moms who have been there before, for a patient husband who's willing to educate himself, for midwives and a doula who have helped hundreds of moms before me. even with the crazy curve balls that got thrown our way in these last few weeks of pregnancy, we've felt equipped to handle the decisions we've had to make and grateful for all the help we'll have getting junior here safely.
with all the unknowns we're handling right now, the constants in life keep us sane. each other, our families, the gospel. we'll be ok. and that is so, so wonderful.

sarah took my maternity photos and i'm so thrilled she did!
you can see more on her blog right here. sarah is basically the coolest lady ever and i wish she hadn't left me to eat saturday breakfast alone in rexburg. also, she makes all my favorite jewelry.
thank you for the fun morning and the awesome pictures, sarah!


******
my necklace is a giveaway win from julie the fish a couple years back.  i wear it all the time and love it.

13 comments:

  1. Girl, you look beautiful in all of those pictures!! Congratulations on your beautiful boy! :)

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  2. I don't think I've ever commented before, however I always read your blog. I used to come in your store sometimes when I lived in Rexburg, and I thought you were so cool and was too scared to talk to you. I was one of those tanning people. ha ha. BUT I love these pictures of you, you are SO pretty. And, I felt all those things when I was pregnant too. We just found out I am pregnant again, only about two months along, but I am SO excited to feel the baby kick again and all those great things. I too had an easy pregnancy with my first and although being pregnant is never really comfortable it's such a neat thing. I was so ready to meet my baby but I have really really missed being pregnant as well.

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  3. i definitely wanted that baby OUT (especially when my hospital refused to induce my 9 days postdate), but i CAN relate to loving being the only one my baby needed. i remember feeling an almost primal protectiveness when she was born, and that nobody had any rights to her except me and my husband. (i didn't like having my in-laws around at birth, and i was definitely hormonally imbalanced for the third trimester and the first several months of her birth). annnyway, i'm glad you enjoyed pregnancy. i hope you're enjoying now even more, though!

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  4. Brandilyn! I'm not the best with comments, but I had to on this one. It's my favorite from you yet! {GOOD JOB SARAH!} And good job on your super hot gorgeousness :) You look beautiful. Just know that all of these emotions and feelings are completely normal and you're going to be a much better mom than all your little doubts or worries in your head are telling you. You'll be the best! It's more natural and comes to you more organically than you think ... and I'm sure you've figured that out by now. Good luck with breastfeeding! I hope it goes well for you, but it was HARD for me ... so if you ever wanna chat, you know where I am :)

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  5. amazing pictures!!you look so pretty
    kisses from Prague
    http://sienastyle.blogspot.com/

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  6. Congratulations on the baby! And WOW, beautiful pictures! You have one of the best smiles I've ever seen, show off those teeth more often! :)

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  7. I have never been pregnant, but I love the emotions you shared -- and I love that you want to keep your baby safe and think of pregnancy in that way. Too many women do complain THE WHOLE TIME they're pregnant. I don't want to be like that, either! And you look beautiful in these pictures!

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  8. What a beautiful mama you are Bran. I can't wait to meet the little one.

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  9. You look gorgeous!! We don't often see you all dolled up! My guess is that BOTH of your Davids are going to love looking back on these pictures:)

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  10. i hope motherhood is treating you well. be prepared for just as many intense emotions with it as you experienced with pregnancy. :)

    i felt the same things when i was pregnant. i loved having my baby inside me, so close, and like you said, being the only one who took care of him. he is six weeks old now, and i'll be honest, sometimes i still have issues handing him over to someone else. i'll get less crazy, right?

    pregnancy and birth is an amazing and spiritual experience. i'm so thankful that Heavenly Father gives us the opportunity to house these little bodies as they grow and then to raise the sweet spirits He sends. enjoy every moment.

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  11. oh gosh the emotions! haha especially when i was still in the hospital and the first couple of weeks home i would cry at the drop of a hat! i remember thinking that my husband, mike was doing things so much better than i was, taking care of noah so much better than i could because he had to learn things so quickly in the hospital (changing diapers, swaddling, feeding) because of my emergency c-section i wasn't able to move/get around as easily as i was anticipating.

    another biggie for me has been the fact that since noah was early and small and my body wasnt totally ready for delivery either i wasn't able to breastfeed but have to pump and it's been a really big challenge (definitely ongoing) to build up my supply for him. i was so big on him not being formula fed and thats pretty much all he's been able to eat, with bits of breastmilk here and there.

    IN SHORT (haha) i totally understand all of the emotions, you're not alone! i hope that motherhood is treating you well! it's such an incredible blessing :)

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  12. GORGEOUS! I enjoyed reading your thoughts too.

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oh, hey!

i think you're smart, pretty, and entitled to your own opinions.

i'd love it if the feeling was mutual!